Knife buying guide for dummies

The following conversation takes place with a person at work.  I was seeking advise on a much needed Christmas present from a person of the female persuasion.    

"Don't do it Big B"

Why not?

"Well we kinda want to keep you around here. Your plan would make her angry and put a lethal weapon right in her hands.

Hmmmm, do you think we can come up with an alternate plan where I survive to the end of the blog article?

"We need to lighten the blow."

How about if it's a family present?

"Man, that's pretty expensive for a family present."

I could get approval first?

"and it could still be a surprise."

Perfect.

At our house, carving a turkey or cutting a bad piece of a steak used to be a religious experience.  I prayed every time for the strength to make it through the tough stuff with our super dull kitchen knives.  The 10 year-old Faberware set was just not cutting it anymore.  

Bourbon was poured, and I navigated straight to amazon.com.  After one beverage, the world of kitchen knives unfolded right before my eyes.  You pretty much have 4 choices, and price is directly related to quality.  

Cheap:  Our old Faberware set falls into this category.  Around 15 knives can be purchased for less than $100.  These are Wal-Mart style, budget models.  They will underwhelm you, and an upgraded set will haunt you every Christmas, just like me.

Our Henkel Set

Moderate:  Henkel and Victorinox have good sets in the $250-$400 price range.  Be warned, the name Henkel used to mean 100% pure quality.  Now, they make different grade knives as you'll see in the next category.  I'm no pro chef or anything like that, so some midrange Henkels were a perfect fit.  Since the knives were needed for Christmas Eve dinner, the Internet was not used.   Bed Bath and Beyond had the set in stock (with a 20% off coupon), so the knives were in a gift bag after a quick trip.  Hey, isn't that a Ginsu knife in the Henkel block?  Yes, sometimes you need to cut through a brick (or a rack of ribs).  Trust me, hacking through gristle, fat, or bone is all it's good for.

Expensive:  Be prepared to spend $1000 for these guys.  The main difference is the grade of steel.  The sets usually only have a few knives, and many times the steak knives are sold separately.  Henkel, Wusthof, and Shun are the brands in this category.  I'd recommend doing your homework before buying one of these sets.  Read the reviews on Amazon to understand the quality before spending the bucks. 

Ultra Expensive:  You don't buy a set of these.  The set is assembled one knife at a time.  The upside is that you only buy the knives that you really need, but you also need to be somewhat of a knife expert to know what to buy.  The brands are the same as the last category.  Some of these guys go for $200 a knife, so get our your credit card.  If you look closely, we have a Wusthof in our block. 

Trying my hand at knife sharpening.
Note the test carrot.

At a later point in the holiday season, Amazon made my shopping list.  We got an Amazon gift card for Christmas, and I remembered seeing a knife sharpener at the bottom of the screen while looking at knife sets.  What???  Knifes need to be sharpened?  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew as much.   The gift card was burned on the "Presto EverSharp Electric Knife Sharpener".  You basically pull the blade through 4 slots on the machine to put a sharp edge back on.  How often to sharpen them?  Well, depends on how much they're used.  A super chef probably does this all the time, but ours get tuned up about every 3 months.  You'd be surprised how much better they cut after a good session.  BONUS: This unit also sharpens knives with serrated edges.

One more tip before you leave.  Using an expensive knife on a glass cutting board or plate is generally a bad idea.  The surface doesn't have any give and the edge wears off the knife blade much quicker.  We picked up a set of composite models that work great and keep the knives sharp longer.  Wooden boards also work well.  

How did the gift go over?  Well, I didn't suffer any puncture wounds, and my wife appreciated the "family gift" very much.  The Christmas ham and turkey carved like warm butter, and prayer was only used before the meal to give thanks.